Sex is like an orchid
I have this amazing purple orchid in my kitchen. Someone gave it to me years ago, and I keep watering it and moving it to the place with the right amount of light. I have read about how to repot it, and what to do with those weird root tendril things. Apparently orchids like to be a little smooshed in their pots, unlike other plants who like their roots to roam around in large pots. Every so often, if I do everything right, my orchid blooms, with 10 glorious white and purple flowers on a single stem. But there have also been years that have passed by without a single bloom.
Sex is like a delicate orchid. If tended properly, it brings rare, precious, exuberant beauty. But if any part of its care is neglected, it just doesn’t work. And often what it needs are not the things you expect.
What my patients say about sex
Many patients talk with me about problems in their sex lives. Many things can go wrong with sex, including:
- Erectile dysfunction
- Premature ejaculation
- Vaginal or vulvar pain
- Chronic diseases
- Mental health struggles
Any of these problems can interfere with people’s ability to have sex or enjoy sex. The good news is that all of these conditions have highly effective treatments! The Healing Grove team would love to work with you to experience the best possible sex with your partner or spouse!
The best sex happens between highly committed people. If you know that you will stay together no matter what, there is no pressure. Nobody has to perform. You can actually talk about embarrassing things and be vulnerable together. If you are able to be emotionally intimate, then you will be better at being physically intimate as well. Marriage is the traditional way to seal a relationship in a promise, which can give both parties the freedom to know that they will stay together regardless of what happens.
The best sex is generous sex. Each partner should be thinking, “What can I do to make my partner happy?” rather than, “What should my partner do to make me happy?” It is one of those mysteries of life – it seems like the more one takes, the more he or she will have. But the very opposite is true; the more one gives in a sexual relationship, the more enjoyment he or she will experience.
The best sex starts hours before the actual sex act. If you know your spouse’s love language, you have an advantage here. If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, then you can do the dishes or fold the clothes. If your spouse’s love language is physical touch, give him a back massage while he checks his email. If your spouse’s love language is gifts, go buy her some sparkly earrings. Quality time? Go out to coffee together and talk about your week. Words of affirmation? Tell her what you love about her, or how proud you are of something she did recently. All of this should happen the same day you will have sex, but quite a bit earlier.
Plenty of time
When it is time to have sex, make sure you have plenty of time. Nobody wants it to be rushed. This is especially important for women, and even more important as they get older. Many post-menopausal women need at least 30 minutes of slow kissing and foreplay before she will be at all interested in sex. Older men also may need a little more stimulation than younger men to achieve and maintain a sufficient erection for sex to work well. You may want to go to bed early or clear the schedule for several hours to make sure the sex is not rushed.
Appearance, hygiene, and health are very important. People who exercise regularly have better sex than people who are out of shape. People with diabetes whose sugars are controlled perform better than people with high sugars. It is good to work on your appearance so that your partner finds you attractive. Everyone should take showers and brush their teeth before having sex. We all look older with time, and you should not expect yourself or your partner to look younger than you are, but it is also a kindness to try to maintain some attractiveness for your partner. One of the great mysteries of marriage is that couples who grow in emotional intimacy and love with age also can find each other more attractive with age, as they come to understand their partner’s inner beauty more.
The setting is also very important. The place should be comfortable and private, free from interruption. This can be super challenging when there are young children around, or if you live in a small apartment. Turn off your phones, wait until the kids are asleep, and go for it! This can be a reason for dad to take the kids to the park and chase them around for 2 hours earlier in the day.
Stay away from pornography. Partners who are looking at porn will have unrealistic expectations of their real partners.
Things to avoid
Don’t cheat on your spouse. It isn’t worth it. Actually work out your problems; you will be glad you did – five years from now.
People often feel like they are supposed to do something exotic to make sex “good.” This is fine if both parties want it, but often regular old-fashioned garden variety sex is simpler and highly satisfying if the couple does it well.
Working towards great sex!
Sometimes the problem is more about a problem in the relationship. If people do not like each other, they will not have great sex. All couples need couples counseling at some point in their relationship, and we highly recommend seeking help if that is your situation.
If you are having sexual problems, please feel free to talk with us about it at Healing Grove! We love helping couples solve their problems, and finding more satisfying sex lives together.
The Healing Grove Advantage
Annual Health Care Exam
Every year, you receive an extended visit with your personal Healing Grove doctor. We help you strive toward holistic wellness through our intensive health and spiritual care.
Your personal doctor guides you through a comprehensive health and soul care assessment, helping you develop a plan to become the very best version of yourself!
We understand you’re more than a machine. You are a complex mix of body, soul, mind, machine, and heart.
Our physicians come from the Christian faith tradition. We provide equal doses of medications and prayer, physical treatments and spiritual care. Whatever your faith tradition, you’ll be welcomed and comfortable here.
Connected To Your Doctor, 24/7
We care about you during business hours AND after business hours. Every patient receives the personal cellphone number of their doctor. Whether emergencies, check-ins, or urgent care, we’re there for you!
Get in contact directly with a doctor who personally knows and cares for you. Your personal doctor is just a click away.
Zero Wait Time For Your Doctor
At other clinics, you wait in a waiting room, waste time filling out forms, and then wait some more for the doctor in the clinical rooms. At Healing Grove, you don’t wait for the doctor. The doctor is waiting for you!
Personal Relationship With Your Doctor
At Healing Grove, we build a personal relationship with you. We want to know what makes you tick, what you care about, and what you’re struggling with. We want to know about you and your family.
Connected To The US Healthcare System
When you need more than primary care, we guide you through the system. The US healthcare system is incredibly difficult to navigate, but our doctors have decades of combined experience in helping patients find the care they need. We use our relationships and personal networks to get you the very best healthcare available. Our doctors have the time to advocate for you – providing referrals, making phone calls, and even checking in to make sure you’re receiving the proper care.
Healing Grove Health CenterHGHC Annual Membership
$ 200Per Month
- Patients see a doctor
- Zero wait for doctor
- Coordination of specialist care
- 30-minute to 1-hour appointments
- Gatherings that offer community
- Volunteer opportunities
- Holistic medical care
- Cross-cultural and socio-economic relationship opportunities
- Supports uninsured low-income patients
- Spiritual care team
Your Concierge Membership
A concierge medical care plan just for you – all that you need, and nothing you don’t. Healing Grove Health Center accepts HSA, HRA, and FSA.
This covers unlimited primary care, convenient physician access, health system navigation and advocacy, and invitations to our health, soul, and culture care programs. Plus, it gives TWO low-income members access to top-quality primary care!
This also makes a great gift for a loved one with significant health needs. We have a lot of experience working with uninsured people, so we know all of the secret cash-price deals in our area. This plan can be great for people with high-deductible health plans who avoid their doctors because of unreasonable co-pays and hidden fees. We find the most affordable meds, radiology, and lab tests in the South Bay, which are often less expensive than health plan co-pays.